• The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
  • Nothing improves with age.
  • No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
  • Sex has no calories.
  • Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
  • There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
  • Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
  • No sex with anyone in the same office.
  • Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
  • A man in the house is worth two in the street.
  • If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
  • Virginity can be cured.
  • When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
  • Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
  • The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
  • Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
  • It is always the wrong time of month.
  • The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
  • When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
  • Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
  • Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
  • The younger the better.
  • The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
  • It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
  • Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
  • Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.
  • There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
  • Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
  • Love is a hole in the heart.
  • If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
  • Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
  • Do it only with the best.
  • Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
  • One good turn gets most of the blankets.
  • You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
  • Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
  • It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
  • Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood.
  • Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
  • Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
  • Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.
  • A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
  • What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
  • It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
  • Never say no.
  • A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
  • Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
  • Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
  • Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
  • A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
  • Love comes in spurts.
  • The world does not revolve on an axis.
  • Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
  • Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
  • Don't do it if you can't keep it up.
  • There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
  • Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
  • Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
  • "This won't hurt, I promise."

 

Murphy's Laws on SEX