Lilith, "goddess" of:

Screech Owls
Rage, alienation and loneliness
...and don't forget, fingernail polish (Barbies owe their existence to

Yes, Lilith as in "There Ain't Room in Eden for Both of Us, You Evil
Patriarch, You!"--that Lilith. The same Lilith who, as the books all tell,
copulated with demons when she blew out of Eden, and gave birth to 100
offspring a day. When did she ever find time to do her nails? Do you think
she asked for spousal support? Nah, we know...she called it "Compensation
for Mothering." You haven't read The Women's Encyclopedia of Myths and
Secrets? Well, it is good reading, and I normally don't decry
goddesses....but I have read this in several reliable feminist sources.

How anyone can associate Lilith with phone sex (or anything resembling
making love or anything actually erotic) is just another of those little
conundrums that continually amuse people who think and feel. Sure, pay to
listen to someone screech. Why not?

"Suck your breath? Sure. Just deposit fifty dollars into my account." Yep,
the Hebrews had talismans against Lilith so that she wouldn't suck the
breath out of their sleeping babies.

Operators at the Mistress Lilith web site are standing by, but it'll cost
ya. Yes, Lilith COSTS (look for the words inescapable bondage) below. How
typical. I can just hear it: "Well, you know how MEN are." Yes, I do,
happily...and I wish she did.

Fiery, red-haired Mistress Lilith will weave Her spell of
inescapable bondage on your submissive soul. She will bend your
spirit and control your mind. Once you enter Her Lair of
Domination, you will never want to leave. Your secret self will be
stripped, exposed, and naked before Her. She is a chameleon who
dons many gloves, able to crack the bullwhip or wrap Her finger
around your feminine side. Call and feel Her long nails cross the
miles, reaching through your phone and entering your mind;
searching out and gathering your deepest hidden desires. You will
have no choice but to obey Her every command.

Or pay her every bill. You know how it is...100 children a day means a LOT
of diaper service...not to mention those legal fees when she left Adam.
What? You mean someone didn't tell you that the snake in Eden was a lawyer?
Or is that, the lawyer was a snake? One of those two, I forget which.

Guys, you don't actually fall for this stuff, do you???


Back to planet Earth, before I hurl...